A Final Good-bye

You were my courage, my hope, and my smile; but things changed and you sprinted out. You were my confidence, my bravery, and my persistence; but things changed and you became my defeat.

I went from seeing you and soaring, to seeing you and barely being able to speak. Feeling incapable, feeling unworthy, and simply wanting to be invisible. Your words were a safety and now they cut like a knife. Lacking in emotion they leave me swimming in an ocean of my own tears. Trapped in a box that I let you put me in, I had to learn to stand on my own.

Learning to be myself, without you, was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever had to do; but I can’t keep pretending you don’t wreck me every single time. I guess the only reason is that you are the one acting broken, when you did the damage. An unlikely candidate for innocence, but I’m done playing your games.

So I made myself new, in a way you would never understand. You once held my heart, but then you tore it apart. I took the time to pick up all the pieces and this time I made a new picture, because the pieces fit together in more than one way.

I’m not sure what to say about a few things, so I’ll be brief and blunt. You built my confidence up to take a wrecking ball to the center of it. You made me brave, but when you left, so did my fearlessness. You were once a home but now, a house. With your closed up shutters and your dimmed lights. No one needs to know what’s going on inside, so keep your lame attempts at fixing what you broke. I don’t want your updated software, or your latest operating system.

Finally, I hope you know that when I pulled myself back together, I found my own confidence that doesn’t wavier in your judgement. I found my own courage, that has taken me farther than you ever could; and I hope that you know, it didn’t have to end like this, but since you insisted, you really shouldn’t act like you’re the one that got all twisted.

Unexpected

Moving like the mountains
Moving like the wind
There I find you again
Never leaving
Never failing
My fear escapes me
Igniting my heart
Igniting my start
So, I won’t be afraid
Chasing your choice
Chasing your voice
As you trace my every step
Your heart unexplainable
Your being undefinable
You meet me at my darkest hour
Lighting up my heart
Lighting up your part
I’ll sing your praise
Good is what you are
Good is where you set your bar
My eyes fixed on the unexpected
The road you took for love
Pushed the devil away with a shove
So, have your way here
You never left me craven
You never left the lost forsaken
Here, I’ll stand in the wonder of your shadow step

Growth Equals Greatness

New York
Paths fork
Plans changed
Life rearranged
Happiness found
Boredom drown
Courage taken
Fearlessly awakened
Craziness survived
Grace revived
Mercy plentiful
Interaction beautiful
Soul refreshed
Body pressed
Tempers test
Little rest
Laughs abundant
Anger redundant
Love abounding
Overall astounding

Embarking on another adventure, life hasn’t ever felt so pure. Triumphs come with trials, but those experiences are just wisdom to be filled. Fear, anger, and hate attack but courage, grace, and love counteract. Life is meant to be lived, but not like the amazing race; because we all have a different end destination, and we arrive at our own pace. Time is meant to be given away, encouraging words are what you should say, just turn on the lights and brighten another’s day. Because the unexpected is consistently there, but there is no need to sit and pull out your hair. We take life in stride, knowing we always have someone at our side. Our people support us and hold us up, from the times of ease to the times that seem like a tease. We are a team, created to help each other achieve our dreams.

What We Are

We are the sun and the moon, sharing a light source, rotating the responsibility of the world.

We are the weather ever changing and unpredictable, seasons come and seasons go, but our bond is eternally grown.

We are not accidents. We are the paint that spilled and became a masterpiece. Us together are the hidden beauty that fills the world with color.

We are two boats that are sinking, but we are passing a bucket back and forth so we can toss water out and prolong our drowning.

I’m the salt to your sea, you’re the tide to my shore, always there never, very far.

We are the beginning and the end contained only by distance, for together we are unstoppable.

We are connected both mind and spirit. You are my conscience, I am your soul.

We are an orderly mess, perfectly dysfunctional, uniquely unorganized, we are controlled chaos orbiting the rest.

You are my best friend, my counselor, my confidante, my mother figure at times, my sister, my entertainment, my better half. Without you, I would be lost. You’re the key to unlock a whole new perspective on life that I have been missing all along.

People. Heart. Soul.

I have contemplated back and forth about sharing this piece with you guys. It’s an old one and my style has much improved since it was written. But, the story is more symbolic than the piece, I hope you brought your snorkel because we are diving in.

Last year I came home from The Philadephia Project with a new calling. The calling to share my writing, in some form or another. We all know that practice makes perfect so I began writing much more regularly than I had ever before. Slowly, tidbits and chunks started forming whole pieces. This is one of those whole pieces.

Now, be prepared, it is not of my intensely edited, laconic, and (channeling my Mary Poppins) practically perfect in every way pieces that I usually post. This is a piece, that my whole being screams, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. However, with the help of a friend, (you rock, by the way) I feel like this piece would lose it’s symbolism if I let my perfection rush in to change it.

That being said, I just pulled it out of the archives. On July 6th it will have been exactly a year since I pulled this piece together as I started learning how to work through my brain, to write and convey exactly what I wanted.

This piece, represents that time changes, growth happens, but sometimes, you are back to square one but, (read this real slow) THAT. IS. OKAY. Your temporary situation is never your final destination. So on this beautiful 4th of July, I want to remind you that we have freedom, the freedom to change.

I hope you guys are able to set your eyes on a final destination and maneuver your way through all the temporary situations. If you are like me, starting over again; I hope you take time today to relish in what you overcame in the last year, sometimes square one is just a new building site, to make whatever you want.

“It’s always interesting the way life plays out. Sometimes all you can do is just shout. You introduce yourself constantly. Hoping for someone to remember you instantly. Meeting new people is always a jam, because who doesn’t love having even more fam? Everyone you meet is always intriguing. Maybe because we are all individual human beings.

From sepia to color, life becomes an art show. It’s people that make our lives glow. Through thick and thin, purity and sin, present for each loss and every win.

Every person has a sense about them. These senses captivate us each in a different way, some happy, some dramatic, some amazing, and some beyond descriptions. Ya, they become such a major part of life, almost like a prescription. Cause we can’t live without, we begin to think it’s what life is all about.

It’s all the same, boys and girls alike, emotions play with our hearts only to be like physic. Searching and searching for the perfect match, confused about life, all anyone wants in this world is a husband or wife.

Swooning through the days, living life in a haze. Feelings filling your mind, emotions of every kind. Confusion is prominent, thoughts and assumptions become dominant. Lost in your own head, just hang on to all the words that they said. Sitting and waiting for a sign, holding on to any lifeline.

Life is so strange. See, we look for what we can’t find, our hearts appearing blind. Wanting this and yearning for that, a relationship of any kind seems like way to much time. The heart wants what the head enjoys. We wait anxiously trying to talk ourselves into being brave. Willing to be vulnerable, for vulnerability in return. Someone straight forward, to tell me what they want. Or more importantly, what they really think. To know their actual thoughts, and intentions. Just remove the mystery and open our eyes.”

People Talk

People talk about the weather, people talk about their sweaters. People talk about their occupations, people talk about their obligations. People talk about their hopes, people talk about all the reasons they have to mope. People talk about the fashions, people talk about their passions. People talk about their opinion, people talk about oblivion. People talk about the way that they care, people talk about the weights they bear. People talk about their responsibilities, people talk about their priorities. People talk about looks, people talk about books, and people talk about all the paths that they took. People talk about success but never about the things that ended in a mess. People talk about life like it’s a highlights reel, only showing the best; but they forget that we all endure our fair share of trials and tests. So this is for you, because people often forget that we are each made unique and learning where we fit in and belong is quite the feat.

Here’s to the dreamer, go after what you see; for you will be the change, if you have the power to believe. So dream, as far and wide as you can because the most insane dreams only need a plan.

Here’s to the realist, always take a step in the impossible direction. If you refuse to believe you can change the world, how is the world going to change you? See not only do you take from the world but you give in turn, so make the choice to give something that helps others learn.

Here’s to the speechless, you have a story. People need to hear it. Express what you feel, explain what you love, because, you. are. not. alone. You have a voice, and you speak for those who haven’t learned to talk; you are the stepping stones as they learn to walk.

Here’s to the talkative, embrace the silence. Magic happens when the world breathes in peace, welcome the open air and let it dissolve your every care.

Here’s to the responsible, you always have the option to say no. You can’t handle everything, trying to do so, won’t help anything! Take a breathe, move forward, and make some free time. Just remember, priorities are your friend, saying no doesn’t mean the world has to end.

Here’s to the ones still figuring it out, we all make mistakes. Sadly, life only happens on the first take, so don’t be the last person to admit when you do something wrong, be the bigger person, it helps the world get along.

Here’s to the pushovers, don’t be afraid to find your backbone. Even if it break you can always just come right back home. Your opinion matters, so don’t let anyone tell you differently; your ideas are important so foster them gently.

Here’s to the stubborn, be open to change, it won’t defeat you. Know what you stand for, but remember, fighting every battle won’t always win the war. Let some things go, and focus on embracing the natural semi-chaotic flow.

Here’s to the go-getters, you are the difference makers! The tangible change in the culture, inspiring hope, courage, and love. Know that you ARE making a difference no matter, how it feels, your relentless nature has such great appeals.

Here’s to the laid back, don’t stop the go-getters, someone has to the run the company you work for. Without the adventures we wouldn’t have a world to explore. Don’t discourage their work ethic, their dreams have become iconic.

Here’s to the resilient, admit when you are in over your head, don’t let yourself drown. Remember, you can only do some much. Everyone hits a wall, so it’s best to learn the safest place to fall.

Here’s to the broken, YOU are a masterpiece. Let someone know the real you, don’t put on a show for everyone, it’s okay to need a personal day. Afterall, it’s your life, so you get the final say.

Here’s to the emotional, you can’t shut off your feelings, don’t try too. Pain and sorrow suck, but without them, how would we know the feeling of love and hope? Don’t let the world break your tenderness, learn to love your selflessness.

Here’s to the lost, it’s okay to wonder. You won’t ever have all the answers. Learn to embrace the unknown, it’s okay to be ridiculously joyful about not knowing where you are going next. It just means your maturity is put to the test.

Here’s to the hurting, find rest for your soul, not your body. Make sure you care for yourself on an emotional and mental level. Make a point to love yourself by meeting your needs, after all, you will be surprised with where life leads.

People talk about the highs and the lows, but no one ever gets around to talking about what creates the woes. People talk about the lows and the highs, but no one ever talks about the times when your dreams don’t quite reach the sky. But, life isn’t about perfection, it’s about expression. So here is to you, expressing what you own, and here is to you rewriting the unknown.

Now We Stand

A continuation of Here We Stand…

Here we stood bound for destruction, awaiting devestation, and the future looking dismal. There we stood our fates looking dim, our stories highlighting defeat, and the weather perpetually grey. There we stood, counting the hours, enduring the minutes, fostering a single ray of hope. There we stood knowing that light can’t shine without the dark, so we set about to penetrate the world with our abounding love.

This spark of hope grew to be a flame, quickly becoming a fire, it engulfed the surroundings eating away at the dark one ray at a time the light broke through reminding me that we can too.

Now we stand on the edge of insanity, bathed in passion, awakened with love. Now we stand captivated with wonder, in awe of creation, filled with grace. Now we stand together as one, exploring ourselves, destined to be great. Now we stand with a zeal for like, a story to write, and an eye for adventure. Now we stand lathered in faith and coated in compassion. Now we stand accepting the call, trusting the journey, and inspiring bravery.