A Final Good-bye

You were my courage, my hope, and my smile; but things changed and you sprinted out. You were my confidence, my bravery, and my persistence; but things changed and you became my defeat.

I went from seeing you and soaring, to seeing you and barely being able to speak. Feeling incapable, feeling unworthy, and simply wanting to be invisible. Your words were a safety and now they cut like a knife. Lacking in emotion they leave me swimming in an ocean of my own tears. Trapped in a box that I let you put me in, I had to learn to stand on my own.

Learning to be myself, without you, was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever had to do; but I can’t keep pretending you don’t wreck me every single time. I guess the only reason is that you are the one acting broken, when you did the damage. An unlikely candidate for innocence, but I’m done playing your games.

So I made myself new, in a way you would never understand. You once held my heart, but then you tore it apart. I took the time to pick up all the pieces and this time I made a new picture, because the pieces fit together in more than one way.

I’m not sure what to say about a few things, so I’ll be brief and blunt. You built my confidence up to take a wrecking ball to the center of it. You made me brave, but when you left, so did my fearlessness. You were once a home but now, a house. With your closed up shutters and your dimmed lights. No one needs to know what’s going on inside, so keep your lame attempts at fixing what you broke. I don’t want your updated software, or your latest operating system.

Finally, I hope you know that when I pulled myself back together, I found my own confidence that doesn’t wavier in your judgement. I found my own courage, that has taken me farther than you ever could; and I hope that you know, it didn’t have to end like this, but since you insisted, you really shouldn’t act like you’re the one that got all twisted.

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